A Different Kind of Pain.

"If it takes my whole damn life I'll make this up to you. Kind of like the waves. That roll their whole life towards somewhere. Crashing on the shore. It's blown in by the wind. That carries the clouds to hide. My wish on a fallen star."

I'm so full of life. An incomprehensible emotion. Some vault deep inside this lone soul finally broke. This explosion causes my heart to race, my mind to stretch and find new meaning. I want to share this, bottle this hope. That must be the word, hope. It's like light, like sun rays streaming through shutters. It mixes tiny motes of dust in the warm air. It makes all the troubles melt away like chocolate. I want to help you all, ha. With all my heart, so full and beating, I want to give it to you. To save you, and tell you you're loved. No matter what you've done or seen. Who you are, where. I am here, like a candle. Lit and waiting. Why is it so hard for me to give my all? Why is it wrong? I am but a stranger; someone you've never met. Why is it so difficult to trust, and accept a hand waiting, begging to help you up? I am dying to hand off this whole mind and heart of naive happiness.

The irony is ridiculous. Listening to a heartbreak song, my head pounding with a headache, with no sleep and an empty stomach. I should be upset, or at least uncomfortable. Instead, I want to be a martyr for anyone. I would love someone to hold on to. Not someone really, a certain someone. I crave a pair of arms and a soft chest. I wish to give my all, to do absolutely everything for someone. Even if it ended in chaos the last time, when I gave him my heart on a string and he stabbed it willingly. I'm not the type to be cautious or careful with myself. I could care less right now if anyone or everyone screwed me over. I remain naive as always. And I don't want to change.

Hope is like a softly played piano. Or a dirty child sprawled out on snowing street. It is so sad, so cruel. But nothing could be so good either. Because without it, where would we be?